The retrieval of this information is performed by a teenaged girl on roller skates (think Sonic, or, more aptly, those drive-in restaurants in 50s movies). I call her Filecia and she, of course, has a pony tail and chews bubble gum. Since Filecia has to be working around the clock, everyday of the year, she has to have backup. I call the backup Filene.
I cannot tell them apart.
They're twins. I don't know who is working what shift, or for how long, and Heaven help me if one of them has recently broken up with a boyfriend because all sorts of folders get lost or the wrong one gets pulled out of the cabinet.
On good days I assume that all is well with Filecia (or Filene). She got a good night sleep and ate her Wheaties and is skating up and down those aisles like a champ. I am at status quo and everything is functioning on an acceptable level.
On those days when I am "ON" and can pluck the most arbitrary fact out of thin air, I assume that maybe Filene came to work a little early and I've got two skaters attempting to make the heat for the Olympic speedskating trials. It's like my recall borders on precognition. I really like those days, they make me think I wouldn't make a complete fool of myself on "Jeopardy".
Of course there are the days when Filecia oversleeps or Filene has a hangover or one of them got dumped by their doofus boyfriend. Then, files don't get pulled as quickly and too many things get stuck "on the tip of my tongue". I get really annoyed on those days because I know that file is in there and I have no way to get it out. I can't put on skates and chase down those little twits because even on bad days they skate better than I ever could.
Those days, however, are nothing in comparison to pregnancy.
As if Filecia (or Filene) didn't have enough to contend with, let's add some pregnancy hormones, shall we? Suddenly the aisles of the warehouse have become an obstacle course. At any time the route of the file from cabinet to processing center can be sidelined by Filecia (or Filene) slipping in a puddle of some pregnancy hormone. Down she goes on her keister and up in the air flies the file.
There's really nothing like sitting in a boardroom with the Vice-President of your company and completely forgetting what you're saying. In the middle of the sentence.
Thanks Filecia!
Now comes the hard part. People will tell you that once you become a mom and all the pregnancy hormones go away that things will go back to normal and your brain powers will return to their status quo.
THIS IS A LIE!
Filecia and Filene have done their best to keep the filing system in working order while dodging those pools of hormonal discord. They really should be commended. Instead their job has just gotten a whole lot more difficult.
Those hormones may have gone away but they have been replaced by a shiny, new, RED file cabinet.
Yes folks, now there are TWO red file cabinets in there. One with all my most important files and one with all the most important files pertaining to my child.
Filecia (or Filene) can usually keep up with the demands of the red file cabinets, after all, those are right up front and used all the time. Heaven help her if she has to access something in those files marked "Calculus" or "How the Kreb's Cycle Works". Those cabinets got shoved WAAAAAAAAY back. They may never been found again, unless I go back to college.
And the more children you have, the more red file cabinets are double parked at the front of the warehouse. Your brain is never the same. It does not belong to you anymore.
You now have the mind of a mom.
Say hello to Filecia and Filene for me.
I love the view into your brain-- and all the posts here! I always consider my brain function likened to popcorn in an old fashioned popper on a gas range top. Information pops and scrambles and flies everywhere. If people knew, they'd be amazed that I can focus on a conversation. Some days the kernals burn, but other days,they're plump and good and swimmin' in butter. Those are the days I should be on Jeopardy!
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